Tonight whilst putting away the toys, I thought to myself that Clark and I could have lunch in the conservatory tomorrow as he enjoys sitting there together. That’s when I realised we can’t, as I’ll be at work. I cried! 😢
Not once over the last 2 years have I really thought about going to work and feeling guilty about it but for some reason today I do! I’m lucky as I’m only going to be working 3 days but still I’m feeling a little heartbroken. Maybe it’s because I’m not planning to have another baby so I won’t get this time again, I don’t know.
A few weeks ago I actually couldn’t wait to get away from it all and feel normal but since my post “tantruming two’s” it has changed and calmed down.
We’ve been able to tune in to Clark’s speech which has helped enormously and we’ve had some really lovely days. Although I’m still struggling to get out the house alone it’s become more bearable to be at home. I’m finding the more time I spend with Clark the more he’s learning and it’s an incredible feeling to think these seeds I’m planting in his mind are growing everyday. He’s learning something new each day whether it’s a word or number, kicking a ball or just loving a particular book to read and read again. I’m getting a real buzz from this part and it’s a great feeling. Now I’ve realised I’m really going to miss his company and of course Cain’s too. Cain has changed so much as well with his new motor skills. Time is flying so fast and I’m scared about what I’m going to miss as Cain is still so small I just wish I could just wrap him up and keep him at this stage.
Although I have all these feelings I also know how Clark loves nursery and that Cain will too. I know that the social aspect of nursery is good for them both and I don’t want to take that away from them. Since Clark has started at his new nursery he’s already become more tuned in with certain areas ie potty training. (Not started but definitely more aware). A step in the right direction anyway.
Going back to work is something I need in my life for my own sanity some days but I’m going to miss them very much.